Animals

My dad called me worried that MySpace was going to prosecute everyone named Andrew, so I decided to pay him a visit. On my way to the car, an Asian guy jumped me for looking at him too long, though I was just admiring his beauty. I got lost in Westminster when trying to get to Boulder so I called my mom for directions, but then we started watching Dante’s Peak. We could only watch the first two minutes of it because the shrieking rotting corpse girl who attacked and ate cows was too scary.

Part One

I was stacking pudding containers in the Pepsi factory next to the Coke factory next to Daniel’s old house. There were three old people who worked there who were always complaining: a tall skinny man, a short fat man, and a woman.

Part Two

There was a blizzard during a football game on the CSU campus but the only place left to stay was a hotel in New Mexico. The next morning I bought three articles of clothing from the gift shop and went to check out but there were things on the contract that I didn’t understand. I walked out to my car and saw lots of dead birds. I realized that this was caused by birds drinking sugar water from the bird feeder, then flying into the window and breaking their necks.

My cat was playing in the toilet and accidentally got flushed. Then I went to King Soopers and bought liquid condoms and on the way out my back started to hurt so I couldn’t walk. Then I saw David waving to me from his car.

A man was swimming underwater with a mermaid. He was on his way to rob a huge bank in Chicago, where they also had a huge jail surrounded by sports stadiums. The mermaid told the man to calm giant amœba mothers by talking to them. Finally the man and the mermaid were alone, they were in love but they couldn't be together, because they could only communicate underwater. The man left to rob the bank and the sad mermaid felt lonely even though she was pregnant. Then I saw a bird with a long skinny neck that acted like a cat.

There’s an old apartment building with an undead baby girl with a face painted like an antique doll. Her face is painted differently every time I visit. Someone seems to be painting a height chart for her, though she never appears to grow. I follow her around to various apartments and this time one had a screaming hairy brown dog with a face that had shockingly human features.