Animals

My mom, Jane, Hannah, and I were sitting on the floor of a hallway in a strange hospital. My mom said this was the last time that I would ever see my youngest and most distant cousin who was singing “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” next to his brother and mother as I was being dragged away. Then, as I was carrying Hannah on my shoulders, Marie walked by. We were looking for my mom’s white Prius in the parking lot but there were multiple ones so we had to wait until some of the other cars left and we spotted it on one of the underground levels. The staff made us call a garbage company and wait in the dirt on the far end of the property as they removed a giant ladder. The wind was blowing sand in everyone’s ears and I started singing the bassline to “Miss Murder” to pass the time. The staff explained that this parking garage had been featured in a really bad movie called Sam Cooper. Instead of going back to the car with the others I found a talking cat and explored the empty garage which we found to be seven stories (or eight including the glass panel roof) but there was a creepy old man walking around on the outside of the roof so I ducked down on the ground.

Part One

Scott, Krystal, and I had an apartment in Ingersoll Hall with room for drums. There was a shit-eating donkey in the front yard and a monkey who could walk through glass. The monkey came in the front window and turned into a black bird with pearly light blue under its wings and landed on my head a few times. Then it went out the back window and was attacked by my cat on the roof. It didn’t take much to kill the bird.

Part Two

Teena had a helicopter that flew like Boba Fett’s Slave I and made holes in skyscrapers when it flew through them. There were also giant robots.

Part One

Before they built Coors Field there was a white building called Coors Event Center which had a swimming pool where a bunch of anorexic girls worked and where a bunch of old guys hung out in the sauna.

Part Two

Lots of people were at band practice and we thought Seth was going to hurt someone or something by tying hot dog fireworks together.

Part Three

There was a fox running around distracting the neighborhood dogs and then the garbage truck accidentally scooped up some dogs, partially crushed them, and spat them back out. It was all very bloody and sad but some people were happy because it killed the dog that kept attacking cats and mail carriers.

I was walking along Spring Creek with some random guys and we saw girls throwing rocks at squirrels who were having a threesome on the grass. Then we saw some big evil worms in the water so we decided to go fishing.

There was an evil lemur in my backyard so I tried to catch it in a pet carrier which was hard because it could jump like eight feet from the tree to the roof and back again. Then a bunch of other people caught what looked like giant gray animal-blood sucking naked men and I found out that the thing in my backyard was a young version of those. They had also caught smaller giants that were more adult male looking who kept asking to be set free. The whole thing was like Brotherhood of the Wolf except with giant versions of the monsters in The Descent.