Animals

I gave birth to a poodle and then I went to a picnic and poured myself a glass of rosé and Teena showed up so I went looking for a matching glass for her but she didn’t drink any because she was too tired. Then I went to the same hot springs that I had met Mistah F.A.B. at once and there was a Celtic lady following me around. Then I went to a Weezer concert at the Pepsi Center and I started giving candy bars to random people and you could pay $4500 to have a room in the Pepsi Center demolished.

I was eating breakfast in the kitchen at my dad’s house in Boulder when a turkey came in a hole in the screen door. I yelled at it to make it go back outside but it just got mad and started flying around the kitchen. I grabbed my camera and started taking pictures because I knew nobody would believe me if I told them about this. It flew into the living room so I ran upstairs and grabbed a ski and scared the turkey out with that. Then my dad and step mom came home.

Alysse asked me to a dance but the crowd she usually hung out with was plotting against Pete Wentz who was scheduled to perform. We found the black slimy aliens they were going to use to kill him but we destroyed them before they were able to attach themselves to their lower halves.

I was playing BloodRayne 4 with Cole and there was this one move that I kept using where I grabbed his avatar’s tongue, threw her up in the air, spun her around, and slammed her back down to the ground. There was one time when his avatar blocked my move with a weird metal arm in her mouth. Then she met a British guy named Ross who regretfully nicknamed her Julie and she told him she didn’t want to be a witch anymore. They found a nurse and Julie handed her some parchment with instructions that will cure someone of being a witch if followed exactly. The nurse did it blindfolded with help from Ross so she wouldn’t have to see anything that might disturb her. One part of the procedure caused Julie’s eyes to burn with a blue flame and when you zoomed in on them each eye was a burning field in which chickens and foxes and guys in suits were falling over and dying. Once everyone in the field was dead they (my classmates and I) got up and went back inside. All of the music in the game was written by Danny Elfman.

Part One

There was a really big park and kids were hunting giant endangered bears like cavemen while their moms watched. Then we walked over to a wedding and most of the kids weren’t holding their plates correctly so food was falling off. Someone thought it would be a good idea if the 15,000 guests formed two lines for a picture but they kept wanting to move the lines back and forth and people were falling over and getting crushed. Emily’s toe got cut off and rolled down a drain. It was basically the most disastrous wedding ever.

Part Two

They were launching the world’s first flying cars which seemed more like hot air balloons connected with a giant rope but one of them crashed and made a giant splash south of town.

Part Three

Everyone thought a Christian guy was cloning babies and feeding people their brains in a restaurant (they had the color and texture of shrimp) but it turns out he was creating the babies from scratch.