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We were on a strange boat that seemed like it was half Titanic half bucket-wheel excavator. All the toilets on the ship were backed up. On one level they were trying to sell me a bunch of As Seen On TV items. We escaped by hang gliding to a nearby cliff.

We read in the paper that a man on horseback had entered our house and killed somebody. This wasn’t true so we went to court to fight it. While we were in court a mummy lady from space came protected by Stormtroopers. She created a black hole that was slowly devouring the Earth and would eventually swallow the Sun. Then society started falling apart. Some people liked to fly up and down cliffs with their jet packs. Other people joined cults dedicated to ‘music’ where they were painted either silver or gold and were raped and murdered and had their bodies dumped in an indoor swimming pool.

I went to Texas to visit Phil Acevedo of A Beautiful Lotus fame. He was running a very successful Halloween store and he also had the ability to make custom shirts in less than 60 seconds. Then Shi wanted to go buy some chewing tobacco because somehow she was going to use it to trick her father into thinking that tobacco is what made the Devil impregnate her.

In the Gobi desert a woman killed a horse with the fetus inside. The fetus tried to escape but the woman forced it to eat part of its dead mother. Then the fetus was chopped up and served as a delicacy.

I went to Shira’s house and when her parents went to sleep we went into a tiny basement and listened to a psychobilly and alternative compilation CD. In the morning we ate ravioli and my mom cave over and argued with her parents about the best way to raise special needs children. Then we went to Shira’s little brother’s submarine competition and he won the first round June Fairy award. Then we came back and I talked to her mom about Nirvana and Fall Out Boy.