Death

Part One

Before they built Coors Field there was a white building called Coors Event Center which had a swimming pool where a bunch of anorexic girls worked and where a bunch of old guys hung out in the sauna.

Part Two

Lots of people were at band practice and we thought Seth was going to hurt someone or something by tying hot dog fireworks together.

Part Three

There was a fox running around distracting the neighborhood dogs and then the garbage truck accidentally scooped up some dogs, partially crushed them, and spat them back out. It was all very bloody and sad but some people were happy because it killed the dog that kept attacking cats and mail carriers.

My computer science class was shipwrecked in Minneapolis. We discovered an island of Asian people whose life spans were only 60 days at which point they turned albino, got a bloody nose, and died. They had very complex wooden structures.

Travis died and was the cover story of all the local papers. Scott brought Carly to my mom’s house and we watched her do handstands in my room. Then she complained about Teena and me. She decided to spend the night in the guest bedroom. She wouldn’t let me share the bed with her.

I left my dorm at night because I was bored because everyone was taking pictures of each other from their balconies (I started it). I went to a Native American gift shop where they were selling posters of aliens and of Fred Astaire playing Macbeth. The next day Andrea, Scott, and I went to visit my dad at his cabin in Pagosa Springs where there was snow on the ground but at the same time it was surprisingly warm. People were reading aloud to each other on the roof where you could see mountains, lakes, and trees for miles but I didn’t like the view so that night I shot and killed a bunch of army guys in the snow. Then Bill and I put Silly String on our faces.

My dad called me worried that MySpace was going to prosecute everyone named Andrew, so I decided to pay him a visit. On my way to the car, an Asian guy jumped me for looking at him too long, though I was just admiring his beauty. I got lost in Westminster when trying to get to Boulder so I called my mom for directions, but then we started watching Dante’s Peak. We could only watch the first two minutes of it because the shrieking rotting corpse girl who attacked and ate cows was too scary.